I almost titled this post “NaNoWriMo: How I’m Doing” but then did not because I realized I’d have to subtitle it “How I’m NOT Doing” because I’ve basically quit. How am I doing? Well, after approximately only two whole days of writing Queer Bookish WIP, I decided to break up with it.
I have written a lot about this WIP and have gotten lots of encouragement from other bloggers and writers, so I feel a little bad about breaking up with it. But I’ve been debating whether or not I really want to continue it for a long time and decided I just don’t want to write it anymore, at least in its current form.
- It’s really depressing. The only two things I’ve tried to write have both been really depressing, which is fine and good, but I don’t feel like I want to write something really depressing.
- I feel like it might want to be fluffy? I started a fluffy version of the same WIP a little while ago, and I think I might like that direction better, but I got bored writing it within a chapter and didn’t know what to do with it. But if I did end up coming back to this, I think I’d want it to be significantly fluffier.
- It’s too based on my own life. My WIP was largely inspired by my experience of a friend dying after I graduated college, and honestly I just don’t want to keep revisiting that. It’s too emotionally difficult and since I’ve been doing so much better mental health-wise the past couple months, I don’t want to do anything that could encourage a relapse.
- I have other ideas. For things that I’m maybe more excited about? And aren’t based so heavily on my life that I would have to be feeling a certain way in order to feel like I could write it.
What have I done since breaking up with my WIP for NaNo?
- Procrastinated on starting something else
- Debated whether I should just jump right into another WIP or do outlining (I feel like I’m an outlining type of writer; I always get stuck halfway through when I don’t have a plan)
- Thought a lot about rereading my useful book on outlining
- Thought a lot about outlining something new
- Not actually doing either of those things
- Feeling bad about quitting NaNo so early
- Feeling like a fraud for even wanting to be a writer because I’m not writing so how can I be a writer?
- Doing NaNo and writing related tags even though I don’t feel like I can call myself a writer
- Thought a lot about which new shiny idea I want to start outlining
- No actual writing
- Feeling like a failure in general
Basically, this first week and a half of NaNo has not been successful for me, unless deciding officially to break up with my WIP is successful because now I could focus on other writing things if I really put my mind to it?? Please, tell me how your NaNo is going in the comments, and if you have any advice on how to motivate myself to start exploring my shiny new ideas, feel free to share.