This post is part of my ongoing series about my experience doing Julia Cameron’s course/book, THE ARTIST’S WAY, which focuses on self and creative recovery and discovery. You can check out my intro post for more information.
So this is a pretty big jump since the last time I did an update post for The Artist’s Way was week 2. I did do week 3, but it fell right before my trip to Book Expo, so I did not do a wrap up post. I also decided to skip week 4, which focused on the reading deprivation activity, because I did not think I could do it and I can choose to alter this course as I like. Most of the week 4 activities were also not very helpful to me, so I don’t really regret not doing them.
week 5 check in: recovering a sense of possibility
How many days this week did you do your morning pages? How was the experience for you?
I did the morning pages all 7 days this week. At first, I was really using them more as a way to record things that happened and was having a weird amount of trouble talking about my feelings even though I’m usually very good at that, and in general trouble finding enough to write about for three pages. This week, I started to use the morning pages more for self-reflection, which made them both harder and more helpful to write. I wrote about a lot of topics, both suggested by the book and that I wanted to explore on my own, including my weight struggles and struggles I’m facing on my path to being more creative.
Did you do your artist date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?
I did not do my artist date this week. I know I should be doing them weekly but I have not been. I think it’s because I’m not so fond of spending time with myself and my thoughts. Whenever I take any alone time, it’s usually with some reality TV to drown out my thoughts and whatever’s going on in my brain so I don’t have to actually think. I think I’m not as comfortable with alone time as I used to be for some reason, which is probably something I should explore in my morning pages. I also don’t have any ideas for artist dates? I don’t want to always have to leave home for my date because I am a serious homebody and on my days off I really like to have some time at home. If anyone has ideas for artist dates, please feel free to make suggestions in the comments.
Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery? Did you experience any synchronicity this week? Describe them.
The most significant part of my Artist’s Way journey this week was exploring my creative blocks, including how and why I stay blocked and what I get out of being blocked. I realized that while I believed in my abilities to write and be creative when I was younger, it’s like a switch has been flipped since I started working and being more of an “adult” that I don’t believe in my creative abilities as much. I also realized I am super afraid to take risks with being creative, afraid of the work that will have to happen if I commit to finishing a WIP, and also afraid of changing my routine, which helps keep my anxiety at bay.
There were also a lot of activities around dreams that you want to pursue, and most of mine focused on writing again. I want to write again with all my heart, but I’ve been so blocked for so long and I have so many excuses as to why I don’t write that I don’t know how I’m ever going to break out of my avoidance and excuses and actually do it and fulfill my dreams again.
The synchronicity aspect of this chapter made me somewhat uncomfortable because I felt like Cameron is basically trying to prove to people that God exists because of coincidences that happen, and I am very atheist and am generally uncomfortable with having religious ideas thrust upon me. I guess in her terms, I did experience some synchronicity this week: one of the activities that the course had me do was to write what I might do if it weren’t too selfish, and I wrote that I would sign up for a writing class with one of my writing idols who I know offers courses, Francesca Lia Block. I looked at her course offerings, and it turns out she’s offering a course on writing, healing, and personal growth in July. It just seems so serendipitous that she would be offering such a perfect course topic right when I feel like I’m ready to take a course, and I’m really strongly debating taking it even though I’m scared of the commitment.