january rewind \\ crash and burn (well, maybe not *burn*)

Oh hello, end of January! Well, okay, as I’m writing this post I still have a week left, and if that doesn’t tell you I’m ready for the month to be over…well. Let’s get started with this wrap up.


what happened

  • Honestly, this was a really emotional month for me. I’ve been very stressed and very emotional about some stuff and honestly I just feel really alone but fortunately at least I’m not depressed anymore?? So that’s a plus.
  • We had another apartment disaster. Yes, a third apartment disaster befell our house. This time, our ENTIRE KITCHEN CABINET FELL OFF THE F***ING WALL. And my boyfriend couldn’t find our cats so he thought they were trapped or crushed inside. They were fine, they were just hiding and traumatized. This incident has also made me want to hide and I am definitely traumatized, even though I wasn’t actually in the house when it happened. But I do not feel safe in this apartment that seems to be constantly falling apart. And we just signed our lease for the next year, so…woof.
  • I stressed a lot about work. Which is weird because nothing has changed at the job except me? But now that I’m feeling so much better mental health wise, I feel enormous pressure from myself to excel and do super well at my job. I’ve just been questioning absolutely everything I’m doing, from how I run story times to what programs I’m doing to whether I’m doing enough programs and just. Ugh. Stress.
  • I started eating healthier and it’s going pretty well. I still eat out on weekends, but I’m doing a lot better in terms of healthy eating. I’ve also kind of given up sugar and sweets, which I think is helping me a lot.


what i read

This isn’t even all the books I read, because I read 10+ picture books also. I am very pleased with how much I read this month because I hoped so much that when I was less depressed I’d be able to read more and enjoy reading more, and that has definitely been the case.

My favorite book of the month was definitely RED, WHITE & ROYAL BLUE, which I knew I’d love if I didn’t read it while depressed and I WAS RIGHT HA! I also branched out and read a middle grade novel that was really well written and compelling, ANA MARIA REYES DOES NOT LIVE IN A CASTLE. I also tried another adult fiction book, VERY NICE, which sounded really good and smarmy but was HORRIBLE because everyone in it was AWFUL except the dog. I also tried an adult thriller, LOCK EVERY DOOR, which was just okay but was fun to try.


blogging life

Honestly, I haven’t been feeling great about blogging lately. I’ve noticed my comments have dropped significantly even though I’m getting slightly higher views. I don’t know if it’s because my content isn’t good, if what I’m writing about isn’t relevant to bookish influencing, if book blogging isn’t as relevant anymore, or if it’s juts because I’m commenting on other blogs less. But I feel stressed about my place in bookish influencing and am feeling pressured to try other things like bookstagram and booktube in order to stay relevant. I love writing about books, but I don’t know if that’s the biggest medium right now in the book world.

I have been interested in trying out booktube since I started watching more videos in October, but haven’t had the time since going back to work. I like a lot of videos I see, especially reading vlogs, but am mostly worried about being on camera because I don’t know if my voice is annoying and I don’t like how I look right now. I also know nothing about video editing and tried iMovie but HATED it and need something more intuitive. Plus, I don’t have a cute aesthetic bookshelf or room to sit in or in front of.



  1. The new season of Project Runway. I didn’t finish the seventeenth season of Project Runway with the new judges, but I decided to give this new season a try anyway because I’m starved for petty back stabbing reality shows. This season is actually pretty good, but I notice I’m not liking the actual fashion as much and I’m totally confused as to the taste of the judges. And Nina Garcia is not as mean, so that’s less fun.
  2. HALSEY’S NEW ALBUM!!!! OMG, I LOVE Manic so freaking much. I didn’t like Hopeless Fountain Kingdom very much and never listen to it, but I could listen to Manic for months on repeat and never get tired of it. My favorite songs are definitely You Should Be Sad and 3am. I also love the songs Graveyard and Killing Boys. It’s just so badass and wonderful and I just adore it.
  3. Booktube reading vlogs. I’ve gotten a bit more into watching booktube videos again (and wishing I could booktube, but I wasn’t very proud of my last attempt at a booktube video). I’m especially into reading vlogs, which I love because I love hearing people talk and give updates about their daily reading and learning about books I wouldn’t otherwise know about. I also feel like booktubers read such a diverse array of books whereas with book blogs I read pretty much only YA reviewers, so it’s cool to learn about books in other genres for other age ranges.

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  1. I hope things get better for you soon! In regards to comments, have you checked your spam folder? Akismet has been mistaking non-spam comments for spam lately. I understand wanting to be relevant, though, but try not to take it too seriously because that’s a recipe for unhappiness. I’m not saying you shouldn’t branch out if you want more recognition, it’s just that chasing success can easily turn into a vicious cycle.

    1. oh okay, I will check akismet. It does seem weird that it’s gone down so drastically. thank you <3

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