october rewind \\ stuck in a rut

October was…okay, I guess? Nothing particularly bad happened. It went fine. There were no major disasters to report. I guess the only interesting thing that happened is that I applied to two other jobs. One didn’t work out because they hired on a rolling basis and were working toward hiring someone else right as they were going to interview me, which is disappointing because it was a really cool job, but it’s okay. The other is a collection development position for children’s at the library where I currently work, and I so so so so so hope I at least get a chance to interview because collection development (which is basically choosing what books the library purchases) is my passion and my favorite thing about librarianship, and I would love to read and choose children’s books. So, fingers crossed that they at least want to interview me.

Other than that, I’ve really been stuck in a rut with…basically everything. I’m not really enjoying anything I used to enjoy, and not letting myself enjoy things either, for some weird reason. I don’t even really enjoy reading at the moment. Every time I pick up a book, I force myself to slug through it but I don’t enjoy the process of reading. I don’t enjoy most other things I used to either, like playing my flute and violin or watching children’s and horror movies/shows back to back. I feel like my life has been sucked of all fun. I’m fine mental health wise, but I just feel so bored most of the time because none of the things I typically enjoy doing have been giving me enjoyment.

I’m tempted to not read for the entire month of November to give myself a break, but I can’t imagine just not reading for a long time again. I wish I could figure out why I’m not enjoying things as much, but I guess that’s what I have a therapist for.


What I Read

1. Sawkill Girls – Claire Legrand
2. What If It’s Us – Becky Albertalli & Adam Silvera
3. We Have Always Lived in the Castle – Shirley Jackson
4. Wildcard – Marie Lu
5. Jonesy #1 – Sam Humphries
6. Jonesy #2 – Sam Humphries

I think my favorite books were WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE, WHAT IF IT’S US, and WILDCARD. I didn’t love WILDCARD *as* much as I expected because I read it when I was still feeling slumpy and rut-y, but it did not disappoint at all. I ended up loving WHAT IF IT’S US even though I was apprehensive about it. I also adored WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE and want to hug Merricat and Jonas. I also did something weird for me and gave a graphic novel a try. JONESY is super cute and I will for sure be recommending it to teens. I wish I could be Jonesy.

My most disappointing read was unfortunately SAWKILL GIRLS, which I was hoping would be queer feminist horror perfection, but it was slow and weird and mostly slow. Even when they found a severed hand in the woods I was just…not moved. Am I heartless? Perhaps…

So it was a good reading month even if I wasn’t really enjoying reading too much by the end.


Blogging Things

I now have 226 followers! My following is growing slowly but steadily, and I am very pleased that within half a year of blogging I have almost as many followers as I got after five years the first time around. I continue to enjoy reading and responding to people’s comments on my blog and other people’s blogs. The current bookish community is just so kind and welcoming and I am really grateful for that.



…why do I have this section? I always struggle to come up with answers for it. Maybe I’ll get rid of it next month…

  1. My new hair color! I changed my hair from cotton candy pink to a burgundy color that’s very heavy on the purple, and at first I wasn’t sure about it because I loved the pink so much, but now I really like it and think it’s perfect for fall. And probably most seasons.
  2. Tumblr. I am now a Tumblr addict once again. I have two blogs, one main and one side, and I enjoy browsing it immensely.
  3. Minimalist Art journals. I discovered a new journal brand that makes perfect bullet journals and they’re only about $11 on Amazon. I love the Leuchtrrum (I know I butchered that spelling) but those are $25 and I use multiple journals for multiple purposes, so I can’t drop $25 every time I need a new journal.

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  1. Oh I’ll keep my fingers crossed for that new job position, that sounds so exciting and so interesting, too! <3
    I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling in a bit of a rut, I hope this feeling will go away soon 🙁 Sending you love and positive vibes <3 And congratulations on the followers, that's so great!!! <3 <3

    1. thank you!! I also hope it goes away soon, but I have a bit of a plan now to get myself out of it, so hopefully that works out. thank you, Marie <3 <3

  2. I understand what you’re going through about not enjoying things as much. I think it’s a symptom of depression. Like, even if you think you’re ‘happy’ or ‘neutral’ right now, the fact that you don’t enjoy things as much means that depression is taking that away from you. And for no reason at all sometimes. It’s just… there. You will get past it, even if it seems to take forever. x Might I suggest reading ‘In Order to Live’ by Yeonmi Park? It’s a biography of her life about escaping North Korea and I read it during the darkest time of my life. It made me realise the power of the human spirit and to just simply keep going. It’s a short book, and it may or may not open your eyes to something you’ve never seen or felt before. x Good luck!

    1. thank you for the recommendation 🙂 I will check it out. I think part of it is that I’ve gone through a lot of transitions this year and I’m just taking a lot of time to catch up and accept what my life is now and…adulting is hard.

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